Well, we’ve been awfully quiet since we kicked and screamed (and PUSHED) our way to the end of our successful Indiegogo campaign. And I said it last week, but I’ll say it again now: thank you, thank you everyone who contributed and shared and cheered us on (realize we’ll be thanking you forever). It was so, so hard! I can say that proudly, as a complete fool who pushed with all my might, it was so hard…..and yet of course so worth it. And – aye me, I never want to do that again. We’ll see what happens in the next couple years, but I’d like to be done forever with these things…
That said, look: crowdfunding has been such a miracle for us in making this movie. Social media, as much as I’ve griped and avoided it for so many years, has also been a miracle. At the same time, our first campaign and – even more so – this second campaign have brought out such a complexity of emotions and irritations and contradicting desires and impulses in me…it’s hard to articulate all of it.
Because asking for money on the internet is really, really weird. And it’s so new. And I’m so Midwestern. Midwesterners work. Hard. Is it cold out? Really? Well, it’s gonna get colder. I joke, but there’s truth there. Asking for money on the internet to make a movie starring yourself seems about as lazy and entitled as it gets. Well, at least that’s how I’ve felt/worried about it these last months.
And yet – no one tries to make a movie on as small a budget as we did, with so little crew, with money coming in WHILE we were shooting and WHILE we were finishing post-production. We jumped without a net, and somehow we’re okay. And we made a good movie! We’re still making it!
Sharing so much of this process online has been fun, uncomfortable, exciting, weird, and heart-opening.
I never liked social media. I refused to join Facebook until I dropped out of college for a while and wanted to stay in touch with everyone. I reluctantly joined Twitter and Instagram about a year and a half ago specifically because of this movie. Now, I’ve gotten used to it and I work at it. I tweet. I share. I like. Because I know it helps other people’s work get out there. And social media, at its best, can be sweet and silly and really, really creative – and it can change the world. It changed my life.
I kicked and screamed about this Indiegogo because I cared about this movie more than anything. And of course, now that we’re done, I am so, so tired of social media. I can hardly look at it. #overit
See? Jeez, I’ve had enough. Yuuuuuuck.
It ebbs and flows. It’s weird. I dream of a life where I’m not on anything, where I’m inaccessible. The way I was ten years ago. I had a cell phone and I never texted; nor did any of my friends. Everyone thought texting instead of calling was rude. Now it’s the other way around.
Truth? I would prefer to not be on the internet. Except, you know, for everything that’s convenient – directions, recipes, random facts at midnight. But I would prefer to not have a profile anywhere on anything. I often would prefer to not even have email.
And yet here I am. Blogging. Crowdfunding. Everything. It’s not mysterious, and it doesn’t feel really…free. It feels like another reality. And putting up pictures of your projects, your life, your food is bizarre and can feel self-centered. And yet it’s creative. And it’s fun – and it can be one way to add something beautiful to the world.
(and now I’m making you look at the Oreo milkshake I had after seeing The Martian.)
And that’s what art is. It’s sharing your thoughts, your taste, your humor, your sorrows. Aaaaaaannnnnnd when it’s needed for art, when it’s a complete work, when….(who knows the right time??) you ask for money for your art. Sometimes you ask for money because the work is done (the painting is finished, the book published, the CD packaged), and sometimes you ask for money to make it in the first place, even when you know that no money will come from it anyway.
You see, it’s complicated. It’s weird. It’s a bigger issue on art and money that I’m not willing to jump into right now – but it’s on my mind.
But, anyanyanyway – because we ran around like crazy on social media, we were able to make a movie – a FULL MOVIE! Ten years ago this would have been unthinkable. We raised money thanks to so many generous folks who were excited about what we were doing. We learned about our digital camera and final cut exporting, everything, with google. And we cast part of our movie using social media – friends suggested actors after seeing our posts. We got a ton of extras to come out and be in our movies because of Facebook!
And yet – now…. I kind of want to take a nap and run away from the internet. It doesn’t feel healthy to share so much. It makes me a little squirmy. And I feel like I’ve been pushy and that feels kind of gross. And yet. And yet. And yet.
You see? There’s no solution. You have to put your work out. Sometimes you have to kick and scream. And sometimes you have to nap.
Thank you all for putting up with our pushiness. And thank you for helping us make this movie. We’re still not done, and, of course, I’ll be here, sharing the process.