Hello, hello. I skipped writing last week due to being in Arizona visiting my grandparents and doing some insanely gorgeous hiking in Sedona with my merm. It was awesome, in case you’re wondering.
I’ve got too many topics on my mind this morning, so I’m just gonna start typing.
The Oscars were last night. I’m sure the media’s buzzing about it right now, but, I don’t know, I haven’t been a fan of the Oscars for quite a number of years. In high school I watched every moment, fascinated, and in the last few years I’ve boycotted, mostly just annoyed and depressed about the whole TV show-ness of it all (ps. It really is just a big TV show). And I never agree with who wins, who’s nominated, etc., so…who cares? But last night I wasn’t feeling too good, so I watched. Again, didn’t really feel anything. Dresses are nice, Louis C.K. is hilarious, I’d like some Girl Scout cookies too, etc.
I don’t know. It’s just so much fanfare. It’s the crunchy, caramelized top of the creme brulee – if the creme brulee were the size of an industrial-sized garbage bin (gross picture, but you get it). The film industry is so so, enormous (just thinking of all the out of work actors and indie filmmakers watching, ahem) and the Oscars are just….well, like Louis C.K. said – “you’ll all go home millionaires tonight.” (well, a lot anyway)
And just this Saturday, I have to be pretty honest, I was taking inventory of our movie, re-watching and cutting little bits out where I could, and I got pretty darn depressed about filmmaking. (I go through these dips regularly – don’t worry, the movie’s lovely, I’m a drama queen with zero perspective. Just ask Chris.) I started pulling my hair about how I screwed up in the writing, how the lighting is off, etc, etc.
So, it’s funny to watch the Oscars and to think how much of this fanfare is a complete lie. How get-your-hands-dirty and frustrating and the-sun-is-setting-we-gotta-go-now-now-now filmmaking really is (no matter the budget!), and how much E! or whatever paints a picture of “how was it to work with [prestigious director]?” “so great, yeah, he was so supportive” etc. I just think about how glossy everything appears and how different you know it is behind the curtain.
It’s tiring. And the Oscars are not really a goal for me, and I don’t think they should really be for anyone. There were some gorgeous movies nominated and awarded last night (and some that I disliked so much that I wanted to leave the theater halfway through), and there is absolutely no reason to pit them against one another other than to sell ad space. Every single person at that ceremony already won! They got the career, they got paid, they got to make their movie. In filmmaking, they’ve all hit the jackpot.
I like practical, I like engaging with what’s real. I’m not really a polished actor, I’d rather hang out with the crew. And sometimes I feel really really weird about trying to join an industry of smoke and mirrors – because, obviously if you’ve read any of my other blogs, I really prefer to talk about what it’s actually like making movies.
So, there ya have it. I’ll never be slick about this whole filmmaking thing, however long I feel like doing it. I like show business pretty okay, but I like putting on the show, the grit and hard work behind it, not always the show itself so much.
And here’s a photo of me after I climbed Cathedral Rock in Sedona. Dusty red and dirty and happy. It’s a tough climb. You gotta like the climb. Stay real, folks.