So it’s Tuesday. On Saturday June Falling Down premieres at the Wisconsin Film Festival. What do the kids say? “All the feels”?
Yerp. (And I actually hate that expression, it’s a great way to say you’re having emotions but not put words to them, which is just another way of distancing yourself emotionally from others in our cold contemporary culture, but you know, whatevs…..).
I don’t know. This is a really weird place to be in. And I shouldn’t even be writing or talking about it at this point. I’m not a trustworthy source. I made the movie and now, years later, it’s really old to me. And so many people are about to see it for the first time. And I just saw it probably 7 times in 8 days or something like that rather recently.
And I just have to let it go. I don’t know – can I take a nap during the movie or just not go in and have a beer instead? See? You shouldn’t be reading this if you’re hoping to learn anything interesting or inspiring or cool about this movie. But no one else writes in this blog, so, hello, I’m writing what I’m feeling. Which is a kind of hail storm of emotions.
I can’t wait until our next movie when someone else does our publicity. (Or can someone do it now? For freeeee?) Because I’m doing it now, and, again, I’m not a trustworthy source at this point. And I doubt I’m even doing a good job because I’m so burnt out on finishing it.
Ha! The truth behind getting an indie film out, read it here, folks.
But I am proud. And when I can calm down all the rushing thoughts in my mind (it happens once a day for maybe two seconds, but still), I feel…pretty okay. Sometimes I even feel…somewhat…elated. Like when I think about the music sequences, the montages, my favorite sweet/funny/sad moments with our wonderful cast, some of the beautiful farmland shots, the bizarre moments with my dog, and especially the ending shots (paired with Chris’ music – I cry every time it seems).
This is such, such, such an independent movie. I feel like I can’t exaggerate that enough, or warn you enough about it. If you haven’t seen it yet – or even if you have but you’re remembering it positively (and it’s much better now than when you saw it) – this is like a step above homemade. In fact, it is basically homemade. I’m not trying to undersell it though! I’m actually proud of how small it is, how homemade it is. This is a miracle of a movie, I can’t say it enough, it should not exist, it’s completely insane and stupid that we made this, really against all odds, and we finished it.
I think I need more perspective to say much more. But, you know what, this movie, imperfect and sweet and totally gung-ho -hearts-on-our-sleeves, is entering into the world. This weekend. No stopping it.
Thank you to everyone for being so patient and so supportive while we planned, filmed, and finished this movie – and all the many, many steps in between. Thank you.